Ep. 6 Setting Boundaries Without Guilt & Finding Your Purpose
Guest: Carley Schweet
Carley is someones whose story I felt like I immediately could relate with. I didn’t have to dig too deep to see the parallels of being overworked, underpaid and spread too thin and dealing with Chronic boundary violators in past.
“Carley once worked in the intense corporate world of NYC, spending her workdays people pleasing and her nights and weekends reeling with sleepless anxiety. She struggled with low self-with and poor relationships. Over the past few years, she went through a process of personal transformation and realized her issues arose from being afraid to say no-whether out of reluctance to hurt others’ feelings or due to her own crippling anxiety. She quit her corporate job and graduated from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition in New York.”
Carley speaks with me about her first time experiencing an anxiety attack. On the outside her life seemed so perfect. She had what looked like a wonderful fashion job any girl would die to have. She looked around and realized her path and life goals wasn’t aligned with herself.
Moving to New York after college and working in the fashion industry was a natural next step in her life. Carley made the the decision to step out of the role and pursue what brings her joy.
The next step? It was scary, she tells me. In 2015 she enrolled in the Institute for Integrative Nutrition while still working her full time job. She saved up while going to school and working the full time job. She paid off her coaching tuition and started to take in clients and become her own boss. She then quit her corporate job.
She was no longer the “people pleaser,” that was so unhealthy for her.
Carley says it’s okay to say no without an excuse. She believes no is a complete sentence.
This has been an issue I’ve personally struggled with for years. It was such a blessing to meet Carley when I was looking for a boundaries expert and someone who has taken a leap of faith.
Carley’s book titled “Boundaries with Soul: A guide to regaining control of your time and truest values (Without feeling guilty!)
A big theme in my HeyHeart143 conversations have been getting to this deeper level of authenticity. Which is really funny because today I learned my “moon sign,” in scorpio which is apparently the deepest sign according to astrologers meaning I go deeper in conversation and in life.
In other conversations about meditation, or yoga, or healing breath we speak about digging so deep into our soul we release layers until getting to our authentic and highest selves.
In Carley’s book, she writes “I wrote this book for those who want to get reacquainting with their authentic, truest, highest selves (maybe for the first time!).
Carley tells me she equates this ‘reacquainting to authentic self,’ like peeling layers of an onion.
She was captivated by what she was reading online about nutrition and everything she wanted to coach people through. This is when she felt she can see crystal clear for the first time in a long time and made a firm boundary with herself to cancel her Saturday plans and focus on herself. It was during these moments Carley says to pay attention to the subtle feelings you feel when you’re drawn to something you enjoy. “I always tell people to sit down and reflect and what’s most important to them.”
“Get super clear without input from others.”
What’s important to you will only come from you.
“We all have the opportunity to find those moments, we just have to get quite enough and start digging around.”
Carley says to allow your mind to get quiet and allow your body to digest everything that’s going on. “The title of my book came to me when I was getting a massage, not when I was sitting at my computer thinking of the process.”
I love this lesson.
Carley speaks with me about setting boundaries, with friends, family, self and business. When we think of boundaries we think of (or at least I think of) just the external boundaries I have with others.
Having internal boundaries, Carley says, like “I’m going to gym at XX time everyday no matter what,” is a boundary.
Boundaries for beginners:
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOURSELF.
Setting a strong internal boundary honors your energy and what your body requires. Often when people have issues setting boundaries Carley encourages them to set boundaries internally. “How can you modify you behavior that doesn’t involved anyone directly to take a little bit of your power and feel more rested?”
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE A PEOPLE PLEASER?
“How many white lies have you told lately?”
You don’t need make excuses or white lies to say no.You don’t need to feel guilty. This is a good indicator that you are taking on too much.
Quote that stood out for Carley about our self respect at the workplace: “You’re hired for your talent and not your stamina.” Reframe your workday. If you're feeling overworked, it wouldn't hurt to ask if you can leave early, and make up for it somewhere else.
Carley is 15 weeks pregnant at the time of this interview with her first baby. She says this has brought up many lessons from her past that keep coming back. Today she’s working on setting boundaries with unsolicited advice.
Where to find Carley?
Her book "Boundaries with Soul A Guide to Regaining Control of Your Time and Truest Values (Without Feeling Guilty!) is on Amazon.
If you are interested in taking a course on her site, use discount code: HeyHeart15